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                                             There is always a better and kinder way to get to a ‘yes’

When we talk to our parents, children, family members, spouse or friend, we say things we often regret later. In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to tone down but doing so always brings better results. Here are some negative effects from off the cuff, and not well thought out questions:

Dismissiveness: Confrontation dismisses the experiences of knowledge of older (or younger) individuals, implying their perspectives are irrelevant or outdated.

Generational Divide: You may reinforce a divide between generations, fostering misunderstanding and conflict. Instead of bridging gaps, it creates barriers.

Ageism: Some questions suggest that age limits one’s ability to understand or adapt. In fact, it may only be something that needs a bit of clarification.

Emotional Impact: Being told that one is too old or too young, or not informed can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration and diminished self-worth - make individuals feel undervalued.

Missed Opportunities: Questions/Remarks not well thought out overlooks the potential for collaboration, which is your goal in opening these conversations.

                                    Some alternative questions/remarks that may bring you better results

1. You’re too old to understand

a. This might be a bit different from what you’re used to

b. Let me explain it in a way that might be more relatable

c. Let me help clarify this for you

d. I understand this may be confusing. Let’s take it step by step

2. You’re being paranoid

a. I hear you. Let’s see what steps we can take to resolve this

b. You sound worried. Can you tell me what’s bothering you?

c. Looks like you’re feeling anxious. How can I help you?

d. I can tell this is really important to you. Let’s talk it through

3. You already told me that

a. I remember you bringing that up

b. Yes, I recall you saying that

c. You’ve mentioned that before. Thank you for reminding me

d. That’s something you’ve shared with me earlier. What can we do?

4. How can you not know that?

a. That’s interesting. Let me fill you in.

b. No problem. Let me give you a quick rundown

c. Not something everyone knows. Let me explain it to you

d. No worries. Here’s the scoop

5. How do you always forget things?

a. What can we do together to help you remember important things?

b. I’ve noticed that sometimes you forget. Is there a way I can help?

c. Would reminders or notes be helpful?

d. Let’s work together to find a solution that helps you remember things

6. Why are you being so difficult?

a. Is there something bothering you that we can talk about?

b. This situation is challenging for me. Can we discuss it?

c. Is there a reason why this seems so complicated?

d. How can we make this easier for both of us?

In any conversation there’s nothing worse than coming away thinking, “I could have said that” or “I wish I hadn’t said that” or “this will never work! “

You’re not alone. Contact me for a free, discovery call and let’s talk about it.